Sorry for the delay....

Hello Citizens,

I realize it has been a while since my last posting. I feel I must apologize, but I'm sure you will forgive me. I have been kept very busy lately by the weather. While I normally focus my energies on the protecting of Milan, Ohio, this sleepy little village has been relatively...well... sleepy. So seeing the need else where I decided to lend my powers to the folks in California and the northeast.

While in California, I was able to protect many people by blowing a water spout back out to sea, keeping it from becoming a tornado and hurting many individuals. I then spent some time helping pull cows out of mud up to their .... elbows? knees? Anyway, when this was all finished I made my way to the northeast to help those affected by the snow.

All went smoothly. I was able to help several folks out who were stuck on the side of the road. Including one fellow who narrowly missed a telephone poll when he spun off the side of the road after passing two more intelligent folks in a semi and a little red sunfire.

I will say however that I probably should have planned better and gone to the northeast first. Things worked out just fine, but great heaping piles of pumpkin puss all that mud from helping the cows certainly got cold fast while flying through the snow storms.

Anyway, I apologize again for the delay. Until next time, keep brushing and floss at least once a day!!!

Soft and Fluffy thoughts...

Good day Citizens,

I was taking a walk through Just-Left-of-Central Park today with my most trusty side-kick, Melon Mutt, and doing a little people watching while I was at it, when it occurred to me.... What can people do to make the world more good and fluffy? What are some little things that ordinary Joe Citizen can do to help me in my quest?

Well, folks, I did some thinking, and while waiting for Melon Mutt to do his business (I had plenty of time to think) it occurred to me. We all (myself included) need to slow down. We need to take some time to just relax. I think we all get a little hard and pointy, not to mention angry, and not-so-good when we hurry all over the place.

After all who is the most good and fluffy human you can think of? I think we can all agree that Mister Rogers was right up there. If you ask me, one of the things that set him apart from all others was his pace. Mister Rogers was slow....

Sure if we all slowed down, we wouldn't get as much done, but I for one think it would be worth it. Take some time to slow down and just have some quiet time. Think how much better off we'd all be if everyone took the time to think before they acted, or took the time to appreciate the world around them, or if someone took the couple of extra seconds to thank you or bless you when you sneezed or to compliment you on your work. Is being productive really worth throwing all of that away?

While you're at it take the time to find silence... I know that's hard than it sounds in this day and age, but try to find a quiet place. Just sit there and relax and think about all the people that are good to you, and that have had an impact on your life.

If we would all just slow down the world just might be a better fluffier place to live.

Let's take some time to think about that.....






Oh, and it would make catching those crooks much easier if they would slow down too. Now back to thinking....

Level 42 Melon Warning (cont.)

If you remember (or take the time to scroll down), the last time we interacted I was warning you about the evils of trees. At this point I would like to return you the warning still in progress....

B. "Trees give off the oxygen that we require to stay alive."

~I challenge you to walk outside right this minute, and slowly approach a tree. **Note: Please be very careful so as not to arouse the suspicions of the abominable arbors.** When you get there take a deep breath.... Now did that breath taste any sweeter, fill your lungs any better, or leave you any less out of breath than any you have taken while reading this warning? I'd be surprised if it did. Even if trees did exude this "life giving oxygen", the deed is only reversed every summer. Think, where do you often see trees when looking out your front door? In your yard? In a field? Along streets, growing in the sidewalk? Think about the last time you mowed the lawn.... What were you forced to do when mowing around that pesky tree? Either drive around the tree over, and over, and over just to get that one last little spot next to its trunk, or go get the push mower or weed eater (both two stroke motors that belch out more exhaust than a normal four stroke their size) to get the close trim you needed.

At this point you are probably thinking, "But ,MM, you mentioned the trees in the sidewalks next to the roads.... How could they possibly be harmful?" To answer that question I ask you this one, dear citizen. What was around that tree in the ground? Often cities are forced to install metal grates with circular holes in the center. Grates that had to be forged. Have you ever seen the plants that produce the iron and steel used for these? They are constantly dumping smoke in to the air, Smoke that causes acid rain down wind!!!

If you are still questioning my reasoning, I will make one last point before releasing you to go on your way. Think of the headlines from areas such as Florida, California, etc. during the summer. What event dominates these AP wires? WILD FIRES!!! In these areas, large populations of radical trees grow. These, the worst and most destructive of the towering terrors, are willing to do anything to harm us, even if it means sending themselves and their families to a fiery grave. They will start them selves on fire just to throw huge amounts of smoke into the air, smoke, which in case you had forgotten, contains particulate matter which, Carbon dioxide, Carbon monoxide, and many other terrible chemicals. Some of you may remember years ago when the trees organized a mass suicide-burning in Yellowstone National Park. The smoke from these huge fires cause haze in areas as far east as Ohio (even in the lovely little village of Milan).

Tune back in tomorrow too see how trees try to harm us on an individual basis!!!

P.S. Happy V-day!!!! Remember to get your girl/guy some chocolate or flowers, but be responsible brush after chocolate, and don't get roses (thorns are definitely not fluffy!).

Level 42 Melon Warning!!!

Good evening citizens!!! I realize many of you may have heard today's warning (some may have even been around for the initial issuing), but now that I have a larger audience than ever, I feel inclined to take advantage of this opportunity to warn the world of an imminent threat to us, our communities, our country, indeed life as we know it!!!!!

The threat?.... Trees...

Some environmentalists would have us believe that these evil creatures are "good for the environment". Other green over-achievers even try to tell us that we depend upon them to live, claiming that they give off "oxygen" that we need to "breathe". Well, I don't believe it for one minute!!!

I began to suspect that trees were major players in the axis of evil, when I was updating my list of "good and fluffy" things. Suddenly it occurred to me that trees certainly did not have a place on the fluffy list. So I began a major investigation into the possibility of trees been un-good.

Over the next several days I will be including in my publication the results of this investigation. I was amazed at my results, and, reader, I believe that you too may be shocked by my findings.

I began looking into these claims of goodness that the environmentalists have made:

A. "Trees are good for the environment."

~Citizens, have you ever seen a tree turn off a light when it leaves a room, how about recycle an empty soda can? I was appalled as I took a stroll through Slightly-Left-of-Central Park in downtown Melonopolis, to find that with hundreds of trees in the park, there were still empty cans littering the ground. In fact had each tree been "good" enough to pick up one can, and place it in the trash can, let alone a recycle bin, the entire park would have been clean before the slower hard woods even had a chance to bend a single bough.

In the interest of letting you process this information and not causing a panic, I will continue to give arguments over the next several days. By spreading the warning out in this manner I hope to let you ponder each aspect carefully, and to allow you to formulate a feasible manner of combating this threat to all things good and/or fluffy.

My first entry...I'm so happy.....

Well, I finally decided to go high tech, and start my own blog.

I was inspired by some friends of mine. Their blogs are as follows:

Philosophy Over Coffee : a very well written blog containing lots of well thought out insightful commentary from a young UCC pastor.
Orthoganal / Non-orthogonal: basically a journal, but relatively interesting.
ORA Bill: kind of sparse, but when new things are added they are very interesting and contain a twisted sort of humor.

Now, down to business. I don't really know what I'm going to include in my blog, but it won't be a diary. No offense, but us super heroes need to keep that dark, troubled, tortured thing. Even if we do run around in pink tights with our underwear showing.

I do want to keep my audience interested though, so... If you have any suggestions as far as weekly features, let me know I'm always open to suggestions. Otherwise I'll probably end up filling my sticky little corner of the web with random thoughts and incomprehensible ramblings. Well, that's enough intro. I'll be back again tomorrow same melon time, same melon web address.